celebrity fights

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Michael Lohan is about to go all former commander-in-chief on someone's, well, you know, vowing to track down the "evildoers" responsible for breaking into his daughter's Hollywood home over the weekend.

Here's hoping his mission ends up accomplished.

According to the patriarch, Team Lohan is bringing in some hired hands to discover whose sticky fingers burgled Lindsay Lohan's house. Per Michael, it's not only the second time in three months that LiLo has been burglarized—it's also going to be the last.

"I am coming into town to work with private investigators in order to gather evidence which will be turned over to LAPD and the detectives assigned to the case," Lohan told E! News.

"This time, these evildoers will be caught."

And with Papa Lohan on the case, no one seems to have higher hopes for swift justice than, well, Papa Lohan himself, who apparently is both mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore.

"If we are fortunate, we just might find out who the culprits were from the other thefts as well," he said.

"My children are not going to be subject to violations of this or any kind any longer. Especially when they always give to others, and it seems some of these very individuals are the ones behind these crimes.

"Dina and I are finished with this nonsense."

Evildoers, consider yourselves warned.

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Check out some of La Lohan's best sartorial hits (and a few misses) in our Fashion Spotlight gallery.

WHO ORDERED THE TURKEY? Lindsay Lohan frets at a Little Italy deli while trying to retrieve her BlackBerry from a skeptical worker.

He really pushed her buttons.

Lindsay Lohan went ballistic on a deli worker who, unaware of her fame, made her jump through hoops to get back a cellphone she had left in his Little Italy shop.

The drama queen was so angry, she called cops to help get back her BlackBerry, which she had forgotten on the counter of Mott Corner Deli on Kenmare Street after tossing a $5 bill at the worker for a 50-cent cup of ice.

Mohamed Hashan, 27, said he noticed the phone at 7:15 p.m. Thursday and hurried outside to find its owner.

He saw Lohan get into a cab and asked her if the phone was hers. She answered "yes," according to Hashan, who said he was unaware of her celebrity status.

"If this is your phone, then have one of your friends call it," he said.

Lohan's pals -- stylist Patrick Aufdenkamp and an unidentified woman -- tried dialing the cell, but the calls didn't connect.

"Lohan started cursing at me. She then made a grab for her phone," Hashan said.

She started "laughing, crying and yelling" when Hashan told her to come into the store so they could review security video.

"She said, 'Don't you know who I am?' " he said. "I told her no. I didn't care who she was."

Cops gave her the phone back after viewing its stored photos.

"We appreciate New York City's Finest coming to Lindsay's rescue and assisting her in retrieving her BlackBerry," said Lohan pal Mike Heller.