celebrity fights

Entertainment Weekly

Entertainment Weekly's fall movie preview features New Moon on its cover. Ahhh! Oh, but wait, no Robert Pattinson. JustKristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner hanging out, getting close. In fact, the only time everyone's favorite sparkle vampire pops up is to talk about Taylor.

"It was a stress-free job for three months," says the Pattz. "All the pressure was on Taylor."

So yes, this is a Team Jacob article. Kristen, who is actually looking more pretty than grumpy for this shoot, does her part and talks up her chemistry with Taylor.

"Just because of how I felt around him. I literally saw Jacob in him. We have that relationship. It's lamely cute. I love that kid. I would do anything for him. I would kill for him, literally."

As for her chemistry with Rob, she just says she's not pregnant...

"It's so absurd. I walk out of my trailer with my pants undone—and they think I'm pregnant? I mean, really?! They think I’m pregnant? Come on! Like, dude I don't get it."

OK, just to be clear, that answer was actually in response to all the tabloid nonsense she has to deal with; the Robsten situation was never addressed, obviously.

Now let's get serious, because this is a serious movie. K.Stew had to explain the differences betweenNew Moon and Twilight because Taylor was too busy showing off his flips...

"We needed to make something commercial but stay true to the book," she says of the first film. "We didn't have enough money. It was all very impulsive, and that's what I love about that f--king movie. But I think New Moon is gonna be even better."

She's also head of the Twilight Saga Police. "We definitely feel protective of the series. The directors are interchangeable, so while it's exciting to have new opinions, at the same time it's like, 'Look, this has way more to do with what we already created.' "

And that's it. So is everyone even more excited?! Plus tomorrow is New Moon trailer day! Or there's this trailer in French that's going around if you want to cheat:

Summit Entertainment

Remember when Hollywood vampires were indie cool? Think TV's Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Roman Polanski's The Fearless Vampire Killers.

But then Twilight arrived. And Robert Pattinson assaulted our senses with his everywhere-ness. And fanggirls assaulted our senses with their everywhere-ness at Comic-Con.

And, finally, overkill of overkills: Starting Friday, people are going to fork over their hard-earned allowances for tickets to Bandslam—Bandslam!—just to see the new trailer for New Moon.

It's over. Hollywood vampires have jumped the shark. Thanks to the Twilight Saga, they are too big to be indie. They are too hot to be cool. They are a blasted water-ski attraction. Just like Fonzie. The original shark-jumper.

The signs are everywhere:

1. This headline says it all: "Twilight Barbie Dolls coming soon to a Walmart near you."

Giving all you vampire die-hards a moment to recover…

One…

Two…

Got your breath back? OK, let's resume:

2. The Edward Barbie. And, while, yes, it's cruel to link to an actual picture of the dollie, which "looks just like the dazzlingly beautiful vampire Edward Cullen," we are trying to make a point.

3. I'm Not Obsessed nailed this one back in March: The Twilight board game. Suffice it to say, if you're a creature of the night associated with a tie-in product that has to carry a choking-hazard warning for small children—and this argument basically goes for the Barbie dolls, too—then you're about as hip as Barney the dinosaur.

4. The Teen Choice Awards. Yeah, that's pretty cutting edge. True, Miley Cyrus brought the Madonna'tude, but Twilight just picked up a bunch of surfboards. And, another thing, the TV ratings went down.

5. A weekly TV show devoted exclusively, as in only, to Twilight. Aren't vampires supposed to avoid the direct sun at the risk of being (over)exposed? Oh, well, not with Twilight: Weekly Spotlight around. (It airs Mondays on ReelzChannel.)

Put 'em all together, and believe you us, if Bram Stoker's Dracula weren't undead, he'd be rolling over in his grave.

Even Wendi Mirabella, executive director and producer of this weekend's Vampire-Con, a Los Angeles event billed as the first "vam-pop culture" convention, tells us there's a "small segment" of old-school vampire fans who have been put off by Twilight. Or, rather by the Twilight phenomenon.

To be sure, Mirabella's not complaining about the movies—or conceding that the fanged ones' moment has passed: "[Twilight] draws attention to the genre that never really has lost popularlity. I don't think it [the vampire] has jumped the shark in any way shape or form."

Still, we have one word regarding the future in Hollywood-monster cool: Werewolves.

Just try buying a Jacob Black Barbie doll. It ain't gonna happen, 'cause it don't exist. And, yes, we know,Taylor Lautner's Jacob Black is a shape-shifter and not a werewolf, but many casual observers think otherwise, which only makes werewolves and Jacob Black all the more cool: They're misunderstood!

Just like Edward Cullen used to be.